wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
