Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Randomize
