Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
