Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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