Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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