some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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