Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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