i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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