it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it's like iHOP with fire
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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