You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
