fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
