and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
