we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
