I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
