I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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