I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
