I hate your face
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
