so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
