my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
