I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
