I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
