I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
