my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
