for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
