True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
