I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
