I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
