No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
