Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So many bounce houses so little time
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
