oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
