PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
