obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
