I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i've created a new STD.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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