So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
