You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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