I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
