i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
