I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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