apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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