woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
