when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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