Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm both gender and math confused
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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