If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
