I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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