you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
