i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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