I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
