I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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