I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
