im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
