watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
