Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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